Things I Think But Do Not Say: Work Edition

#1: You are 48 years old. You are a grown woman. Enough with the baby talk. It is a financial aid appeal. It is not a “widdle mean yellow form”. You are not being cute or funny. You are being annoying and weird.

#2: Larry, stop talking to me about Star Wars. Stop it now. I do not care. Knowing that you saw all the movies in the theatre 3 times each does not help me place you in the correct math class. It really doesn’t.

#3: Get off your cell phone, annoying UofA student. Get off it now or get the hell out of my office. You need me more than I need to hear about how “Heather was so drunk last night! She was totally shit-faced”. Also, stop being such a stereotype about UofA girls. Put on a shirt that covers your damned boobs. Stop wearing shorts that are from the toddler section.

#4: Mmmm. You smell good.

#5: Why are you here? Why are you wasting your time and money? You haven’t passed a single class in three semesters and you claim that you don’t like any classes that have to do with math, reading, writing or science yet you are majoring in Business. Drop out. Get a job. Come back when you are ready.

#6: My name is not Madame Cleo. I can not guess what classes a school I’ve never heard of in a state I’ve never been to will accept for transfer.

#7: Ooooh. Starbucks. I want. Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee….

#8: Wow. You have 7 kids and you are only 32 years old. I can’t even imagine. Was that on purpose?
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Okay, I know I sound mean but I am so brain fried right now. We have had over 200 students in the office today and only 7 advisors. I am growing fearful that I might not be able to contain my internal monologue for very much longer.