Overshare
Okay, I know that marriage is all about intimacy and sharing private moments with your beloved, but there are limits right? Some things that are just to personal or embarrassing to share? Some things that are just too weird to do with your partner?
I ask because yesterday Michael and I welcomed a new addition to our home: a shiny, accurate, non-cryptic message giving scale. Well, if I am being honest, I welcomed the scale, while Michael seems to tolerate, just barely, its presence. Anyways, I bought the new scale and, after carefully unwrapping it and setting it on the floor, watched as my husband hoped on and weighed himself.
At least, I think he did. There wasn't any swearing and he didn't seem angry afterwards, so it seems somehow different than when I do it, but different strokes for different folks, right?
He stepped off and than looked at me expectantly.
"Go on, I know you want to weigh yourself"
I hesitated.
"Umm, but you're standing right there..."
" So? You watched me weigh myself"
" Could you close your eyes? Or, you know, leave?"
He declined to leave, citing my previous entry as evidence that I am maybe, just maybe, a little weird about the weighing stuff and that part of the weirdness is the need to be secretive about the process. I can see where he is coming from, but I like my privacy while weighing myself and I like to keep my numbers a secret especially as I was pretty sure that I would end up weighing more than my husband (which I did. Grr. Michael and I are basically the same height and I feel that I should be the lightweight in this relationship but I'm not by at least 20 pounds.)
Now, I know that Michael loves me and finds me attractive (he is very good about reminding me) but it really was uncomfortable for me to weigh myself in front of him. Before I stepped on the scale, I demanded that he promise to still love me, even if I weighed 319 pounds (an arbitrary and unrealistic number. Even I knew I wouldn't weigh 319 pounds). I was mostly joking, but there was a grain of truth there. Sometimes I think that I am somehow an undercover overweight person. Like, if Michael doesn't know what my three numbers are, he, the person who sees me naked everyday, somehow won't realize that I'm bigger than he is and bigger than I should be. Maybe he suspects that I'm not skinny but he just doesn't have proof. Now he has proof.
It is hard, even in a relationship that feels as safe as ours does, to let Michael in on my weirdness about this issue. On the one hand, I am much, much less obsessed with myself and my weight than I was even just a few years ago (hard to imagine, but true) but, on the other, I still have all sorts of rules and rituals and habits that aren't really healthy but are oddly comforting to me but that might be off putting or worrying to him. I suspect that we all have parts of ourselves that we want or need to hide from those closest to us but should we? Are the things we try to hide the things that most need to be exposed? Does trusting your partner mean telling them everything? Any thoughts from any long time married/committed types out there?
I ask because yesterday Michael and I welcomed a new addition to our home: a shiny, accurate, non-cryptic message giving scale. Well, if I am being honest, I welcomed the scale, while Michael seems to tolerate, just barely, its presence. Anyways, I bought the new scale and, after carefully unwrapping it and setting it on the floor, watched as my husband hoped on and weighed himself.
At least, I think he did. There wasn't any swearing and he didn't seem angry afterwards, so it seems somehow different than when I do it, but different strokes for different folks, right?
He stepped off and than looked at me expectantly.
"Go on, I know you want to weigh yourself"
I hesitated.
"Umm, but you're standing right there..."
" So? You watched me weigh myself"
" Could you close your eyes? Or, you know, leave?"
He declined to leave, citing my previous entry as evidence that I am maybe, just maybe, a little weird about the weighing stuff and that part of the weirdness is the need to be secretive about the process. I can see where he is coming from, but I like my privacy while weighing myself and I like to keep my numbers a secret especially as I was pretty sure that I would end up weighing more than my husband (which I did. Grr. Michael and I are basically the same height and I feel that I should be the lightweight in this relationship but I'm not by at least 20 pounds.)
Now, I know that Michael loves me and finds me attractive (he is very good about reminding me) but it really was uncomfortable for me to weigh myself in front of him. Before I stepped on the scale, I demanded that he promise to still love me, even if I weighed 319 pounds (an arbitrary and unrealistic number. Even I knew I wouldn't weigh 319 pounds). I was mostly joking, but there was a grain of truth there. Sometimes I think that I am somehow an undercover overweight person. Like, if Michael doesn't know what my three numbers are, he, the person who sees me naked everyday, somehow won't realize that I'm bigger than he is and bigger than I should be. Maybe he suspects that I'm not skinny but he just doesn't have proof. Now he has proof.
It is hard, even in a relationship that feels as safe as ours does, to let Michael in on my weirdness about this issue. On the one hand, I am much, much less obsessed with myself and my weight than I was even just a few years ago (hard to imagine, but true) but, on the other, I still have all sorts of rules and rituals and habits that aren't really healthy but are oddly comforting to me but that might be off putting or worrying to him. I suspect that we all have parts of ourselves that we want or need to hide from those closest to us but should we? Are the things we try to hide the things that most need to be exposed? Does trusting your partner mean telling them everything? Any thoughts from any long time married/committed types out there?
posted by Mrs.Robinson at
9:03 AM
2 Comments:
gecko hears it all from me. it's what keeps me sane, really. as scary as all that intimate sharing is, your reward is knowing there is a person on the planet from whom you have NO secrets and who still wants to cuddle with you and have sex with you.
that is priceless. total safety.
he challenges me on my deepest levels, and because of this, most of the major progress i've made in becoming a better human is due to him. he has helped me work through my worst shit, and continues to do so, year after year.
so even if it freaks you out, share. actually, share especially if it freaks you out.
thus endeth the sermon.
By
Chris, at 8:46 PM
all right. i thought of more. go listen to natalie merchant's "trouble me." that says it all for me.
By
Chris, at 4:58 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home