Tolerating
Michael and I live in a little yellow house that has three front doors. Well, actually, one front door and two very nearby side doors. This is a house that suffers from an addition that seems rather casually planned. I don't really understand why there are three doors all about 10 feet from each other, but I suppose I'll be thankful for it someday. Like if there is ever a stampeding crowd in our kitchen or something. You know how those kitchen crowds can get.
Anyways, there is, on the siding near the real front door, a rather large reddish stain. It looks a bit like someone threw a marinara filled water balloon at it. It always annoys me when I notice it. But that's thing. I hardly ever notice it. I don't know when it appeared but I do know that when I first saw it I thought "Hmm. Gross. Must clean" and then I walked away and didn't clean it. And I didn't clean it and didn't clean it and didn't clean it, day after day. Most days, truthfully, I don't even notice it. On the days when I do, it startles me a little and I think "Hmm. Still there. Gross. I should clean that". And then I walk away.
I sometimes wonder about our ability to tolerate things, especially things that annoy us or that we, on some level, wish were different. Tolerating is easier than changing, I guess, but why do we do it? Why do we settle? How is it that we can so quickly become accustom to something we never planned on?
Michael and I went to the 4th Avenue street fair this weekend to visit our fabulous friends Chris and John and as we walked along, I turned to the side and caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window and was stunned for a second. I had a moment of feeling, very clearly, that I have become numb and used to some things that do me no good. I am not, of course, talking about Michael or our marriage or anything like that. That part of my life continues to delight and surprise me. I'm talking about more internal stuff.
When, for example, did I become used to the idea that I didn't have to write everyday when writing was something that was so important to me just a few years ago? How did I get so out of shape and unhealthy looking without noticing it on a day by day basis? Why I am so much more comfortable challenging myself at work than I am at home? I feel like I am settling in some areas and it feels so easy not to think about it.
I feel blue tonight but maybe I need to. Maybe some discomfort is what I need right now. I honestly don't know.
Anyways, there is, on the siding near the real front door, a rather large reddish stain. It looks a bit like someone threw a marinara filled water balloon at it. It always annoys me when I notice it. But that's thing. I hardly ever notice it. I don't know when it appeared but I do know that when I first saw it I thought "Hmm. Gross. Must clean" and then I walked away and didn't clean it. And I didn't clean it and didn't clean it and didn't clean it, day after day. Most days, truthfully, I don't even notice it. On the days when I do, it startles me a little and I think "Hmm. Still there. Gross. I should clean that". And then I walk away.
I sometimes wonder about our ability to tolerate things, especially things that annoy us or that we, on some level, wish were different. Tolerating is easier than changing, I guess, but why do we do it? Why do we settle? How is it that we can so quickly become accustom to something we never planned on?
Michael and I went to the 4th Avenue street fair this weekend to visit our fabulous friends Chris and John and as we walked along, I turned to the side and caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window and was stunned for a second. I had a moment of feeling, very clearly, that I have become numb and used to some things that do me no good. I am not, of course, talking about Michael or our marriage or anything like that. That part of my life continues to delight and surprise me. I'm talking about more internal stuff.
When, for example, did I become used to the idea that I didn't have to write everyday when writing was something that was so important to me just a few years ago? How did I get so out of shape and unhealthy looking without noticing it on a day by day basis? Why I am so much more comfortable challenging myself at work than I am at home? I feel like I am settling in some areas and it feels so easy not to think about it.
I feel blue tonight but maybe I need to. Maybe some discomfort is what I need right now. I honestly don't know.
posted by Mrs.Robinson at
8:30 PM
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